THE FIRST BLOG OF SANDERS

EXCERPTS FROM THE DEAD TUALATIN RIVER SCROLLS:

For behold, it came to pass that two-thousand and eight years had passed away since the time of Christ, wherefore, Alicia gave me, Landon, a commandment to write a history of our people...yeah, all five of us. Yeah, I write somewhat concerning us, that perhaps some day it may profit someone, or possibly cause someone exceeding embarrassment (which it may have already).
2. Wherefore I labored diligently to write those things which were pleasing to those who will read of these things. But, yeah, because of the cheesiness of these writings, it grieveth me...and likely all who read these things will be wroth. And now, if there are faults, they are mistakes of computers and a malfunctioning spell check.
3. Therefore, we lived near the waters of Tualatin, which was a fountain of filthy water, and who knows what else. But behold, we lived in the land of Oswego, yeah and the people prospered in the land. And there were many wise and wonderful people in the land round about , yeah and many who worshiped on the Mount of Overlook.
4. And it came to pass that we had three children. And we taught them the language of our fathers, which was reformed Idahoan. Wherefore, it became expedient to do away with the traditions of our fathers and teach them English. And we taught our children that all things are done in wisdom and order, but yeah, their rooms are still a mess and they still tend to not listen.
5. And we, ourselves, have been blessed because of our children and yeah I am puffed up in pride because I'm married to Alicia. And she, in her infinite goodness, doth put up with our crap.
6. And now I make and end of my writings.